Carry On
by Aerysa
Summary: -Song-spired Series- Song #6: Dears by Gackt. Life for Hei after Bai's disappearance.


**Carry On**

This one is for Dear4Life. Happy birthday girl~

Song used is _Dears_ by Gackt :)

The setting is pre-season 1 some time immediately after Bai disappears.

**********

It started as a sprinkle and turned into a drizzle... Until it was finally pouring. The crisp, cool rain had drenched his hair, running down his face in rivulets; streaming down his neck and seeping into his clothes which were otherwise protected by his jacket.

The rain brought with it a permeating chill, down to the marrow of his bones, but he didn't notice. Instead, his attention was turned upwards. Unblinking, emotionless eyes gazed upwards at a sky so empty it was devoid of everything; a night that was darker than black that seemed to be a manifestation of the emptiness found within the very depths of his soul.

Somewhere like a distant memory calling out from the history of time, a bird sang out; a cry of longing for freedom.

He lived in a numbed state of existence and he had ever since her disappearance. She had vanished into thin air without a trace. There had been absolutely nothing, like her presence had been wiped clean from a slate... But he knew otherwise.

The tremors started again as they always did at the slightest reminder of what he had lost - which seemed to be triggered by everything. Her smile, her awe and amazement, her enjoyment; all while she stood alone under the canopy of shooting stars...

He lifted his hand as there was a dim sting of pain. Blood dripped from the open wound, only to be washed away into the Earth with the rain. No matter how much he hurt... Scattered, but still, bodies like rag dolls tossed around before him. No matter how much he hurt others... No one could stop him.

His midnight blue eyes gazed around at the scene dispassionately, registering none of the calamity portrayed in front of him. Bodies of Contractors left to rot; some strangled to death, some electrocuted and others slashed open by his split-blade knife with their fresh blood spilling out to mingle with rainwater - eventually to be soaked up by the Earth.

Finally blinking a few times, Hei spun on his heel and headed home - if it could even be called that. A dingy shack with a frail wooden frame, sheet metal for a roof and a rotting door that never closed all the way... A dusty bed that had a thin, worn out mattress without the comfort of a pillow, bed sheets or even a blanket...

Regardless of the conditions, none of that mattered. It served its purpose of providing him temporary shelter.

The only thing that mattered was to find the faintest hint of light at the end of the dark tunnel he was caged and suffering within. Though the sun might never come up, the pouring rain would someday let up...

Entering the shack, he kicked the door closed behind him and it squealed out a complaint as it recoiled against the frame. Though the door was left open, he paid no mind. Not even bothering to remove his jacket, he sat down on the only chair in the room and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes closed and he relived those moments of his life, something he had done everyday upon his return.

So many times, she had stood there with a gentle smile as he raced to her side. Before she could collapse, to pay off her remuneration, he would catch her in his arms and hold her safe. This lifestyle the destructive cause to her dreams - a dream that disappeared from her hands the more they stayed.

The destructive pathway he had followed her on now taking over his life the way it had hers... But for her sake, in order to find her, he brushed aside the thoughts of pity and anger. Even if it killed him... Nothing would change the fact that she was someone precious to him; someone who he loved; someone who he could never forget. They struggled together and fought together.

Opening his eyes, he stared at the wall across from him, battling against the emotions within him; emotions that were only aroused by thoughts of her. Even if his voice couldn't reach her... Even if he could never return to that time...

A gut-wrenching pain tore at his heart and his soul. Clenching his fingers into a fist until his knuckles were taut and white, he tried to fight it; to stop it from overwhelming him...

"BAI!" he finally cried, screaming out her name over and over. "BAI!"

With his fists to his chest, he fell over from the chair, unable to bear the torment. Lying on the ground, curled up like a baby, his tears pooled beneath him. It exhausted him, the mental anguish, more than any physical activity could. To not know where she was...

Regardless of how much time had passed, the love for his sister, and the devastation caused by her disappearance, continued to make him shudder. Nothing could harm him like the helplessness he continued to feel, knowing that he couldn't protect her... And yet, it was also a sign that he had to keep fighting onwards...

Eventually, the agony consumed every remaining ounce of strength he had and he fell into a fitful state of sleep - like he had every night. For now, he would rest and come morrow, he would carry on. Just like everyone was searching, he would search for the reason and purpose of his birth.

If he was captured and tortured, slashed and hit a thousand times... No matter how much he was hurt. If he had to slaughter half the world and subject the rest of it to the pain he felt now... No matter how much he hurt others. No one could stop him.

He would continue to search for the faintest sign of light in this darkness. Though the sun might never come up, the pouring rain would someday let up...


End file.
